Retail Therapy? I'm Gonna Need Therapy!

I go shopping.  Big shocker, I know.  Everyday millions (billions maybe, idk the stats) of people go shopping.  And I know working in retail or food service isn't the most glamorous job.  And often times the people working there aren't the smartest or most mature people in the world, but there are some issues I've noticed that I think can be easily addressed.

For the love of all things holy, be nice.
Okay, I know that working these kind of jobs can be stressful, but everyone at one point in their life, and if you have a job probably all the time, has to be nice to someone even when pissed off or stressed. It happens.  But being able to put that aside and do your job is a good thing.  It shows maturity.  Besides, I try to be as nice and polite as I can be.  I say "thank you" and "you too" when told to have a nice day.  I go out of my way to be a customer that makes the day suck a little less.  So, please, do me a favor: be nice!  Because you get paid to be nice, and I don't, so unless you want me to be a bitch to you, do your job.

This is particularly bad when you frequent a place and have to see the bitchy person a lot.  Like how I can't stand the lady at Starbucks.  And she seems to wait on me every time I am there.  Boo!  I really should just get a new Starbucks, since they are everywhere!!  Maybe the sucky barristas should think about this when being rude.

Work is not social hour
One of my biggest pet peeves is when I am at the cashier, and the cashier spends most of the time chatting with a co-worker or friend.  Guess what!  You don't get paid to talk to your coworkers, you get paid to talk to me.  So until your coworker hands their paycheck to you for talk time, pay attention to me.  Besides, it's also good etiquette for your fellow coworkers, since the other good workers don't want to pick up your slack b/c you are being a chatty Kathy.  That will cause them to talk trash about you behind your back. :P

Your merchandise sucks, so leave me alone!
Sometimes, I like to do some browsing, especially when I go to a store I have never been to, or I am just killing time.  And when I browse, I might leave the store in 2 seconds because there's nothing interesting to me.  So, I can't stand it when I enter just to look around, and the employees hover.  Say hi, ask me if I need help, fine.  But when I say I am just looking, leave me alone!!  If I need help I will ask.  Otherwise, I feel uncomfortable when you won't leave me alone.  It's even worse when you walk into a store and soon realize the merchandise is too expensive or butt ugly, or both.  Because then I have to feel awkward and somehow end the conversation so I can sneak out without being rude.  Oh, and recently I felt compelled to try something expensive and butt ugly on, just to appease the stupid store clerk.  Boo!  I can't take the pressure! Leave me alone already!!


But let's change perspective here for a bit, because while some people suck at their customer service, some people just suck as customers, so having worked in retail, I have some pet peeves of customers.

For the love of all things holy, be nice.
When you have to talk to people all day, and often times be on your feet all day, it can be exhausting.  So, it doesn't help when customers are douchbags!!  Unless it's one of the few occasions where the particular business and/or employee has pissed you off, be nice.  It's not those people's fault your spouse pissed you off or you had a bad day at work.  It's a normal, decent person thing to be nice even when you aren't in the best mood.  Also, it will increase your service because employees like getting positive customers.

Your mom doesn't work here, so clean up after yourself
I get really frustrated as a customer when I go to a store and it's thrashed.  And it's a million times more frustrating when you are an employee and have to clean up the mess.  So, I have some advice.  Retail employees have enough time (maybe) to either help you with your inquiry or clean up after your mess.  So do them a favor and either put things back or leave them alone!  It's not hard.  They even have places where you can place merchandise you don't want, so don't stash it wherever.  Fitting rooms are the worst!!  Don't be a douchbag and leave the things you try on in the fitting room.  There's a rack for that.  The worst is when people are super douchy and lazy and leave the merchandise all over the floor. I swear, some retail employee should find the office you work in, go there, and throw your files all over the floor.  Then maybe next time you will have some more consideration when you try stuff on.  Personally, when I go to fitting rooms, I try to find a room where someone left their stuff, so that when I am done I take me stuff and their stuff to the rack.  I know what a nightmare fitting rooms can be, so I like to help out a bit.

Terrible parents
No matter if you are an employee or even a shopper, irresponsible parents are the worst!!  I can't stand when parents are mean to their kids in stores.  I really just want to give them a piece of my mind (since I can't slap them or call CPS).  Your baby is crying nonstop for an hour while you shop?  Hmmmm...  Maybe you should take it home and take care of it!!!
But the most annoying thing is when parents lose track of their children.  Kids are messy, and like to throw stuff around.  It's not the employee's job to watch and clean up after your kids.  I swear, anytime a kid gets lost, they should become wards of the store, and given out to better homes.  That'll teach parents to mind their kids.  Oh, and btw, the store intercom is not a toy!!  >_<


But really, people, it's not that hard to be a little nicer.  If we all just watched ourselves, then we wouldn't have to worry whether the person we are interacting with is a jerk.  It's not that hard.  Seriously!

Because Eventually I'll Hate Every Song Ever

Like many people, I watch a lot of TV shows, and since I don't actually have cable, my preferred method is using Hulu and Netflix.  And, truth be told, I enjoy watching a season straight through.  I think I've lost the patience to wait a week for the next episode of a show I like.  That's why I like to stream shows that have already ended, so there's no waiting for the next episode or the next season.

However, I have encountered a problem with watching a whole season through (in maybe a couple weeks, perhaps less if I have the time and insanity.)  This problem has to do with TV theme songs.

Now, TV has a great history with theme songs.  Many of them are memorable, and I have plenty of them in my music collection.  My personal favorite in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer theme, since it rocks.  There are definitely some good ones out there, and since they are from a TV show, the songs can bring back some fond memories.  Of course, there are some theme songs that make me cringe and want to grind my teeth.  Any time I hear the Dawson's Creek theme song I get twitchy. Eek!

I used to like it when they made songs the theme for a show, like you take a song it becomes popular because of the show, or you take a popular song to help a show be popular.  Of course, there are those TV themes that are from songs, but you couldn't actually name or sing a significant part of the song w/o wikipedia.  Like how the Scrubs theme was a full song, but I didn't realize that until they played the whole thing once.  Or like the time I heard the whole, weird song that they took the House theme from.

Later, I decided that the best themes were songs made specifically for the show.  I think that gives the theme a little more of a personal touch, because it was made to fit the show.

But then, the time of the DVD and streaming video allowed me to watch multiple episodes in a day, a week, a month.  And that's how I've grown to dislike most TV show theme songs.  Some still hold up after many episodes.  I still enjoy the How I Met Your Mother theme, despite more than once watching 6-7 seasons in a row (over the course of a couple months, maybe less, I don't remember).  I can now however pretty much sing the whole song, despite not having actual lyrics.  And I have yet to grow tired of the Doctor Who theme.  Maybe it's because I love Doctor Who too, or because it's short, or it's good, idk.

However, there are some themes that now drive me nuts.  I have, have, have to skip pass the Bones theme, because it makes me angry.  Just hearing it makes me edgy.  And even though I only binge watched one season, the New Girl theme (despite it usually being REALLY short), is probably the most irritating of all time. >_<

I much appreciate Smash and Glee, since there's really no big to do.  Maybe it's because they are shows full of songs, they don't need theme songs.  But my favorite TV theme, and I use that word very broadly, is from Lost.  Yes, Lost.  That short "bong" noise, a flash of the title, and then one to the show.  No fuss, no muss, nothing obnoxious to get in your head. Perfection!

Now, idk if I am necessarily advocating for the eradication of TV theme songs.  I do enjoy many of them, and they can be fun when they pop up on my iTunes.  However, at the very least someone needs to change how the themes are put on the DVD's and streaming.  Really, if the show is on DVD or streaming you really don't need the theme EVERY episode.  How about once a disc, every 4-5 episodes or so, or maybe even just once a season.  And for shows w/ longer themes, you could at least cut them down or out once in awhile for those that watch each week.  (But let's avoid making the short version too annoying, otherwise it'll be like when I walk around unintentionally going "It's Jess" and then wanting to punch myself in the face.)  Or, alternatively they could just write songs so awesome that you don't mind listening to them 100 times in a week (if such a song exists).

Thanks, But I Don't Need a Song to Remind Me How to Spell Banana

I have a number of pet peeves.  One of them is the quickness and unfairness with which fans call musical artists sellouts.  I think people are way too quick to label artists with this word without really thinking about it, or the use being fair.

I thinking my dislike of this stemmed from the hypocrisy of fans sometimes.  Fans complain about how their favorite bands never get recognition, opportunities, or radio play.  But then sometimes once that happens, suddenly the fans turn on the artists and call them sellouts.  That seems weird, right?  You got what you want, but know you hate them.

Let's set some parameters.  Obviously, you have to have some standards before you can be called sellouts.  No one is ever going to call Justin Beiber a sellout.  He had nothing to sellout to begin with; he started out as commercial crap.  Really, sellouts are artists that had some artistic credit, whatever and then gave it up for commercial success.  I see it as an artist made music from their soul, whether alone or with a band or group, and then decided to make crap that is a dime-a-dozen, something anyone can release and is made just to cash in on music trends.  Given this idea in mind, I've got some realities to explain to people that hopefully will curb their use of the term sellout.  Otherwise, the word loses it's power.  The word should be reserved for those who really deserve it, and should retain the power it has as an insult to one's art.

People often get mad that artists sellout because their music is used in commercials (and movies too? Idk about this or not).  I have no issues w/ music being in movies, even big commercial ones.  If a film or TV maker can appreciate how awesome a song is, even from a non-mainstream artist, then more power to them.  However, I think the real issue people have is w/ music in commercials.  If your song is used to hawk cars, or laundry detergent, or some other item, suddenly people bust out the sellout word.  Egad!!  1st of all, that's kind of common now.  Maybe you should cut someone a break when they do this, maybe depending on the product.  2nd, there is the pesky thing called copyrights.  Put simply, an artist my own the rights to their song, like the notes and lyrics, but they can make a track recording and someone else, say a record company or whatever, can own the rights to that particular track recording.  Idk how or from whom the commercial making people get songs, but it's possible that they buy the rights from the track owner, regardless of what the artist would do.  So before you call an artist a sellout b/c their song is in a pretentious commercial, maybe think to learn who actually profited from the rights.  Hmm, something to think on.

Another thing people may not think about: artists get older.  You may blast an artist you loved as a sellout b/c their new music is milder, and maybe that gets them more mainstream attention.  You may claim it's b/c they sold out.  However, it may just be that your favorite artist just mellowed with old again.  It happens to a lot of artists.  Think about it.  Many artists I listen to start from very emotional places.  Some artists write music about young love, which can feel full of turmoil and deep, gut wrenching emotions.  Some artists make music about their life issues, like addictions, criminal trouble, growing up in bad neighborhoods, mental/emotional illnesses.  These can be huge issues that make for great music, and are a great way for these artists to make beauty out of badness.  But often what happens is whatever influenced them to write gets better, or isn't there anymore.  They get recognition and help that comes from getting their art out, and while that improves their lives, it also could affect their music.  Also, a people tend to mellow w/ age, love becomes less tumultuous and changes w/ age, and that can mellow music.  For example, it's hard for an artist that made music from a place of anger at 19 to continue that same way as a happily married person w/ kids at 27.  It's been said to me once by a friend of a band we like that the music went downhill when the singer got sober.  I whole-heartedly support sobriety, but in truth changes in life affect art.  So, before you judge your favorite artist for their change, maybe invest some time in learning about their life changes.  You may just better appreciate them.

Your favorite artist getting more opportunities does not make them a sellout.  One of the perks of becoming successful as a musician is that you get more opportunities to work w/ other artists or do other things that can be cool and not available to all artists.  And often this can lead to interesting collaborations that perhaps produces music that is different than what has come before.  Or maybe the artist pops up in films or TV, or gets to play for other well-known people.  Things like this doesn't make your artists a sellout.  As a devoted fan, you should be excited for your artist, that they get these changes.  Granted, there some opportunities that are sellout worthy, especially if motivated by purely financial gain.  But if some other famous artist in maybe another genre wants to collaborate, that could be a cool experience, and should be seen as good.

So, I hope that maybe people should give their favorite artists more credit.  Honestly, I think that use of sellout sometimes comes from a vulnerable place.  People become really attached to their favorite musical artists.  Music is such a beautiful, personal, soul-reaching wonderful thing that people feel connections with artists despite never meeting them or talking to them.  And it can worry fans if their artist changes too much, or gives in to commercialism w/o integrity.  Sometimes it's almost as if what your favorite artist does reflects on you.  It's like guilt by association, and selling out can make a fan feel betrayed.

Now, given the above discussion, I do think there are people who deserve being called sellouts.  I personally have one example that I use personally to judge selloutdom against.  If you can't guess from the title, to me the epitome of a sellout is Gwen Stefani.  I was a huge, HUGE fan of Tragic Kingdom.  That album was so good.  And while I was not really into the next album, I respected it; they went in a respectable direction.  I also liked the band's back story, how Gwen took over singing b/c, if I remember correctly, her brother was the singer but something happened.  It was very sweet.  But then there were some issues w/ her over shadowing the band, and while it looked for a little while that she was working on correcting that, next thing you know the band is making weird music that is totally different, and seems to be steered by whatever Gwen was doing outside the band.  And then she's doing solo music, which is my opinion is terrible.  It was catchy and many people into mainstream music loved it, but it's torture for me to listen to.  It almost literally hurts me.  It was just that music that gets made b/c it's trendy, and empty.  Maybe I am like other people in other situations and I don't understand the whole story, but from my perspective it looks like a lead singer went solo to monopolize on a fad sound with music that has no substances.  I don't believe that being popular in the mainstream is mutually exclusive of having substance; many popular artists to have substance, which usually goes to great skill or sometimes just great timing.  But there are obviously artists that mimic what's popular w/o really having heart in it, or have others right generic songs for them, and it's sad.  And honestly, as a listener, I think I can tell the difference.

It's a Good Week To Be ... You Know, a Decent Human Being

Okay, so I generally don't like to get personal or political with my blog.  (I say generally like I've had enough posts or continuity to have a "general" principle).  Anyway, I have it in my head that generally I want to keep my blog more on the silly, unpolitical, trivial side.  Mostly because it is the Internet, and I don't want too much personal stuff out there, and if by a miracle someone I don't know wants to read this drivel, I'd like to not alienate people by being too intense, political, extreme, whatever.  Besides, I am not really one to talk about serious things too openly since I tend to keep things to myself.

However, I think it's important that since I am alive during two very important Supreme Court decisions I think it's important for me to weigh in, if not for the grander scale of like (I'm not really being read by any significant size group), at least I feel I should express my feelings on it for those I know who do read this, since they are the most important people anyway.

So, I just watched the Daily Show episode covering the decisions, and I think that was really good.  1st, it explained what happened well, and of course it was funny.  I think the thing that makes me the maddest about the people who disapprove w/ what happened is some of their comments that just show a complete lack of understanding of history and the way the country works.  Why is a Constitutional Law class not a requirement before taking office into a position made by the Constitution?  Ummm, is it just me, or do others think US Congress people should know the other branches work?  *head desk*

I do think it's funny how the SCOTUSblog guy on the Daily Show said it would probably take a month for same-sex marriages to resume in California b/c the 9th Circuit had to act.  Well, it took 2 days.  Now, I am not going to explain the whole "how the courts work" thing.  There are other people who can explain it and I'm lazy.  But if you really want me to explain it (and you know me), give me a call! I already explained it all to my mom. :^)

Anyway, if you couldn't tell, I am super happy and excited about the outcome (well, the Prop. 8 case was not on the merits, so legally it wasn't the best outcome, but the practical reality is awesome.  Again, if that makes no sense, since you don't know what standing means, call me or look it up).  Now, in case you didn't catch it in earlier posts, I am a heterosexual.  But that doesn't mean that I can't be super excited.  Let's be honest, if you know anything about the history of US civil rights issues, those fighting for rights would have had much harder (maybe even impossible?) times getting rights if not supported by those who weren't being denied rights.  One of the 1st gender equality cases was about some whiny men who didn't get to drink some % beer as young as women (that's right enough, I think).

I am I think is what's called an Ally.  Like one of the countries in WWII.  It's funny, because I never really thought about it much.  And looking back on my personal history, it's interesting.  I grew up in a small town.  And despite what the other 49 states may think, there are actually really conservative pockets of California, me being from one of them.  I think I was a senior in high school before I even met a gay person.  I remember as a senior my friends introducing me to the play Rent, and how we thought I'd be fun to put on, only that would NEVER have happened in my town.

I think the thing that gets me is how people just like to hate other people for dumb reasons.  I have never disliked anyone for dumb reasons, because of how they were born, like gender or ethnicity or sexual orientation.  I just like people.  I can think of a 100 reasons or more to not like people, and none of them are reasons because of ways they were born that they can't control.  Honestly, it's dumb and you miss out on a lot of great people for just being ignorant.  Besides, let's be honest w/ each other.  A lot of hatred based on one of these reasons is not about disapproving of them, but really about making the oppressors better off.  It's like the popular girl hating on the nerdy one because the popular one feels bad about herself, despite her being privileged, and she has to hate to make herself feel better.  People can do this in groups.  I for one don't think putting others down makes you better, it just causes problems.  And I am not even going to address the religious arguments, b/c those have been done by people so much funnier than me.  Besides, in the end I just choose to love, and let the cosmic chips lie where they may.

Seriously, though, I think the best way to actually become part of the supporters for gay rights is just knowing someone who's gay.  It's like any other civil rights issues to come before.  It's one thing to think of an issue abstractly, but when you actually meet people, and get know to care for people, who are negatively affected by oppression that's when hearts and minds are changed.  Of course, all those sad or heart warming videos on the Internet of all the same-sex couples help too.  OMG, the number of times I have teared up over some couple's story or just photos!  I swear, I get emotional so easily, it's a mess.  But on the other hand, I have a big heart, so I like me better for it.

Personally, I know plenty of gay people, who are awesome, because they're, you know, people.  Specifically, I have friends who are actually married, one of the few that happened before Prop. 8.  And being a kind of naive, small town girl, I have learned a lot about them.  I remember when I 1st met one of them, and they just casually said "I was telling my same-sex-spouse" (I am being purposefully vague so as to respect their privacy.  I don't want my friends to be mad that I tell too much about them online.  My mom may already be offended about how much I've mentioned her.)  Anyway, I just remember finding that out and thinking "oh, that's cool," and not evening thinking it a thing.  And I know that with some people that can be an issue.  Really, the point of this post is to show my support for all those people who got more rights this week, but mostly to show support for my close friends b/c I love them, and they are awesome people!  I think it's time for a tissue.

Shakespeare + Joss Whedon = Magic!!

 In case you couldn't deduce it from the title, I just watch Much Ado About Nothing. And it was AWESOME!!  Not that I was surprised or anything; I tend to absolutely love most things Joss Whedon.  (Most things meaning I have mixed feelings about Dollhouse, but I digress).

If you haven't seen it, you should do that ASAP.  If you weren't planning on seeing it, you have to change your mind.  I'm already wanting to watch it again, and I will definitely buy it on DVD.  So I guess here's my review of sort, or my thoughts, or whatever you want to call this random blogging thing I do.  Let's go!

So, 1st obviously it's Shakespeare.  It's not "based" on Shakespeare, but literally the words of the play w/ modern day settings.  This may be a little daunting to people who have bad high school English class flashbacks to having to read Shakespeare.  And even though I've read a number of his plays, it's definitely been a few years since I've read him.  At first it did take a little adjustment, especially since there is a lot of quick witty things being said right off the bat.  It does get easier though.  Idk if I just got used to the language (like how if I watch too many British movies and suddenly the accent disappears), if I am just more adapt at understanding Shakespeare than perhaps the modern person, or if it's because oddly enough many of the sentences/slang/word usage was more similar to today's English than I expected, but after the 1st few scenes I had no problems following along.  Basically the point is don't let the "OMG it's all Shakespeare language" dissuade you from the film, b/c you should be able to adjust just fine.

I have to say that one of my favorite things about Joss Whedon (besides his just general awesomeness and genius) is his choice of actors.  He does a really great job at finding these fantastic actors w/ serious skills.  He even takes pains to cast the minutest of roles w/ excellent people, so I guess in Whedonville there are no small parts.  (Get it? No?)  Anyway, I also love that he's very loyal to his group of great actors, and that's why you see them pop up in a lot of his projects.  Don't think I didn't notice "Victor" from Dollhouse as one of the random cops in The Avengers.  That made me smile. :^)

Amy Acker and Alexis Denisof did fantastic jobs as the lead couple.  They were so great, and they played off of each other so well.  I've seen Amy Acker in many things over the years (since Angel), so I've seen her do a great range of things.  She was very good at delivering all that  Shakespearean wit in a way that I could relate to as a modern wit person.  And if was nice to see Alexis Denisof doing a big role.  The only thing I've seen him on since Angel is as Sandy Rivers on How I Met Your Mother, and that character is a tool.  I loved how Alexis was doing some really funny slap-stickish movement while having there was more serious dialogue.  Plus, he also showed great range in the film, having to be both ridiculous at times, but later having to be really serious.  Brilliant!!  Okay, and I can't help but mention that there was one point where I was all excited to know these 2 got a happy romance ending, since their previous romance as Fred and Wesley ended so, so very badly.

My personal favorite character in the film was Claudio, played by the ever so talented, and freakin' adorable, Fran Kranz.  You may not know this about me, but I have a huge crush on Fran Kranz!  Maybe part of it has to do w/ the nose (I've always had a thing for guys w/ epic noses).  Or maybe it's because he played Topher Brink on Dollhouse, who I've identified as a fictional example of the guy who best fit the qualities I looked for in a guy (back when my tastes weren't the best, where 1/2 the guys I liked could be douchey and "too smart for their own good" as I phrased it, while the other 1/2 were nerdy and sweet).  OMG, his performance in this movie was so good.  He was adorable and sweet during the romantic parts, and, while it was heartbreaking, did an excellent job being all angry and heartbroken.  Plus, I love how his face lights up when he's being happy or making jokes. *swoon*

There were so many other great actors in this movie.  Sadly I didn't recognize some of their real names, I just knew them as Simon Tam and Agent Coulson. Right?  Clark Gregg was very good in this movie, and it was nice to see him being a character that had some more serious parts to deliver.  And I was kinda sad to see Sean Maher begin such a bad guy.  He did it very well, but he's so cute, and the guy from Firefly I loved the best, that it was sad to see him being a meany.  But also kinda hot.  Whatever.

And everyone else did an excellent job too!  There were some actors I didn't know, or know little of, but everyone did so well, and were so well casted.

Nathan Fillion and Tom Lenk were so funny.  They played off each other well.  Granted, their characters were in few scenes, but they fit so well w/ their characters.  And I love when Tom Lenk shows up in things b/c I think he is so, so funny.  And come on, who doesn't love Nathan Fillion?  I was telling my mom I saw this movie, and she's all "how'd my Nathan Fillion do."  I may have to fight her for dibs, but to be fair she did watch him on One Life to Live back when I was a child, so she may have a valid claim.

Seriously, though, this movie was so good.  The acting was excellent, the directing was superb, the setting was beautiful and I loved how it was adapted to be modern.  The black and white made it feel romantic and dreamy.  The music was excellent too.  I am glad to see that Joss Whedon has continued w/ his music skills.  Seriously, is there nothing this man can't do?  Oh, and I particularly loved that there was a fist bump.  I could see Shakespeare being fond of the fist bump, seeing as it's really a very emotive, expressive hand gesture of the modern culture.  Now, he only complaint I have is that I had too much soda too early and had to pee the entire time, but I couldn't leave b/c I didn't want to miss anything, and there really aren't any down moments, not like in an action film when you can pop out during fight scenes and not miss much.  I was really hoping for an intermissions, seeing as this was based on a play and all.

So, finally, in conclusion, GO SEE THIS MOVIE!! Do it!  If you want company, I'd see it again.  And if Joss wanted to do another Shakespeare adaption, I'd have my stamp of approval, except for Hamlet.  I think there have been enough Hamlets to get on with.  I'd love to see a King Lear though.  Just putting it out there.

In Defense of Love Songs

WARNING: This may get really deep.  Or really pathetic. Whatever.

I don't know where I was, but someone was complaining about there being too many songs about love, and how you can't find any songs about anything else.  That prompted me to consider this, and I found that either this person is just suffering from something that makes love song too poignant, or they just listen to the wrong artists.  My personal music collection contains so many songs not about love (whether it's being in love, losing love, looking for love, looking for lovin', etc.)  Idk, maybe it's just the radio that plays too many love songs.

And I have to admit, I've had times where I was just so over anything having to do w/ love.  It particularly sucks when you can't relate.  Yes, I admit, in my some many years of living I have never been in love.  I love people, like friends and family, and I have definitely had romantic type feelings for guys, but I have never actually been in love.  Honestly, there have been many times lately when I've felt that love like that, when two people are romantically head-over-heels in love, doesn't actually exist.

It's just that, having never felt love like that, and knowing so much like I do about the bad sides of people, I find it hard to believe in sometimes.  Let's clarify a few things.  I am not one of those people who only believe things that I see, hear, smell, etc.  And I believe you can love someone, again like friends and family.  I guess that despite being a hopeless romantic, lately I have just learned about too much that makes me sad, like if there's so much badness between people who are supposed to love each other, how can there be any room for joy, or enough love out there for me.  Pathetic, right?

But this is where I stick up for love songs.  I have watched enough romantic comedies to know they are totally ridiculous.  I can hardly believe that love really happens the way it does in those movies.  If I was just going from them, I would classify romantic love as another creation of fairy tales, like dragons, fairies, trolls, etc. etc.  But love songs are different.  I'm talking real love songs, written by people who are/were actually in love and write about what they feel.  I am NOT talking about those cheap pop songs that are written by middle-aged women and sung by teenage guys to make tweens swoon.  We all know those kind of songs.  They're like rom-coms, but shorter and set to music.

You can tell a real love song by listening to it.  These are the ones written from the heart, from real feelings.  They hit you in your soul.  And sometimes you can relate and it resonates in your being.  It's songs like these that give me hope true love actually exists and makes me believe.  And the songs don't even have to be happy.  There is something so beautiful, yet so sad, about a good painful love song.  Not everything we have can stay, and not all feelings are positive, but the fact that something good was there and now gone is hope that something will come again, and at least is existed at all.  That's why people say it's better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all.  As someone with the later, I'd like to give the former a try.

Now, I don't want anyone to get the impression that I am one of those girls who thinks I am not complete w/o a man.  Anyone who thinks that is sad.  But I don't think that it's wrong, or sexist, or weak, or whatever, to believe that there's something more to gain by being with someone.  I don't want to be w/ someone b/c I just want a relationship, or because I need someone to make me feel good about myself, or for any of those other lame reasons that people use.  This is way I want to fall in love, to live some love songs of my own, as it were:

People have layers.  Most of us have parts of us that we take different places.  For me, I am not the same way I am at work as I am with my friends and family.  And there are parts of me, attitudes, little quirks, habits that I don't do anywhere except when I am at home, like how I like to sing when I do dishes or just any number of cute little things.  These are the kind of things that only you see, unless you are lucky enough to have someone else to share these intimate spaces of your life.  And there are other things: thoughts, feelings, and things you've done that are so hard to share with anyone, but can be so easy to share with that one person.  It's like there is this need in people to be known completely, but that it's okay if some of those things are only know by one person, because that's what matter most.

And that's why, no matter how annoying they can get, I defend love songs.  They give use hope for love; they commiserate what we lost; and sometimes they can be glimpses into those little parts of a person to show us that someone somewhere gets it.  So, love 'em if you got 'em!

Car Rides with the Dashwoods and Co.

Fear not, faithful readers! All 3 (4, 5, >10) of you.  I have not abandoned my writing or my blog.  I have just been busy w/ a more ambitious project, which was partly inspired by a little trip I took recently.

A couple weekends ago I took a road trip w/ my mom for 8+ hours, and to make the time go faster we listened to Sense and Sensibility on audiobook.  I know what you may be thinking, "Yikes, 12+ hours of old timey English.  Boring!"  Well, if you are thinking that, well you suck, b/c Jane Austen is amazing.  And seeing as it was only ladies in the car, it's fine (although men would be smart to love Jane Austen too!)  It's better than the last road trip, when we listened to The Crucible.  While I have always loved a good Salem witch story (seeing as I am related to one), it was not that fun for the car.  Jane Austen is so much more witty and romantic.  And there was less dwarf singing, like the time as a child we listened to The Hobbit.  While I love all things Hobbity (like Elijah Wood ;^) ), I swear that dwarf song went on for hours, or I was just really young.

So, after 12+ hours of car time w/ the Dashwoods and friends (and enemies), I had a lot of time to think.  Granted, to me 5 minutes in the bathroom gives me lots of time to think, so you can imagine what those hours gave me.  Therefore, here are my thoughts on me and Sense and Sensibility.

The Ladies

I know that the object of the novel was to determine whether it's better to be full of sense like Elinor or be full of sensibility (i.e. very in touch w/ and moved along by your emotions).  I think Austen becomes less clear about her preference the further along you go.  I am personally a fan of Aristotle's golden mean, so all things in moderation.  Wait, maybe I can't choose b/c I can be extreme in either direction. Hmmm...

I find myself often trying to be very full of sense like Elinor when it comes to how I appear in public.  The way Maryanne behaves about Willoughby in public makes me want to cringe.  But then again I am the person that will behave the same (or at least try to) whether a guy is a stranger, a friend, a relative, or the focus of my idol daydreams.  Okay, maybe that's not actually true.  I cannot decide if it's because I have more sense or less than Elinor, but if I were in her shoes I'd try to avoid Edward Ferrars altogether.  She probably just has more sense, since she could be around him and still behave warmly to him, despite her heart being wrenched in 2 b/c she knows that stupid bitch Lucy Steele is engaged to him.  I'd have to avoid him completely because I honestly wouldn't know what to say, or would want to be fake nice when I didn't want to be.  And maybe that's why I have more sense.  She was made to sit in a room w/ Edward and Lucy, knowing too much and having to be in that totally awkward room.  If she had just given him his space to ease out of loving Elinor, that could have been avoided.

But then in private I can be such a Maryanne.  I used to think I was solely an Elinor, but maybe I only wanted to be.  I started to think differently from early on.  At one point Maryanne states that she will never find love w/ someone unless they feel exactly the same way about books and music as she does.  I may have scoffed as such a sentence when uttered (and w/ my mother scoffing too), but then I got to thinking.  I remember one day thinking about what I wanted in a man.  I jokingly (although honestly somewhat seriously) stated really what I wanted was myself as a man, maybe w/ some tattoos and face piercing.  Ideally I'd love to find a man who loved the same music like I do and who I could nerd out w/ to things like Doctor Who and Harry Potter.  So, yes, sue me, I've had Maryanne moments.  Not to mention that I bet some friends of mine could tell stories about times my sensibilities got away from me as I discussed this person or that.  And at times when I am home I do let my emotions get the best of me, until it's Elinor time and I talk some sense into myself.

So, as you can see, I am probably just as torn about what's best, and maybe the best way to be is evenly so throughout your life.  I could learn to loosen up my sense in public a little, and use some sense at home when I stress out about life.

The Gentlemen

It's been awhile since I have journeyed into S&S.  I've read it a few times before now over the years.  I used to think that there really was no likable man in this book.  And I don't me likable as a person; Edward and Col. Brandon are likable as people.  But I always felt it lacked a good crush worthy man, like a proud but annoyingly delectable Mr. Darcy, an ambitious and yummy Captain Wentworth, or the caring but older brother-ish Mr. Knightly.  These are the Austen men I love most, and why I prefer these books to the others.  But I found this time around, now that I am older and wiser, that perhaps I over looked the charms of the men of S&S.

Let's start w/ Edward Ferrars

Let's not forget Colonel Brandon.  I must confess it if I were to suddenly plop into S&S I'd take Maryanne out and marry Col. Brandon.  In the past I wasn't that big of a fan.  It could have been because I was much younger then, and to me a man of five and thirty was WAY too old.  Now, it's totally fine by me!!  Granted, back then men of that age my not have been so sexy as they can be today.  Pretty much every male actor that I love the most is in his 30's.  (Back to Col. B. in a sec).

Now, I have seen multiple versions of S&S, but while listening to this I was picturing the cast from the 2008 version I watched more recently (although I have the one w/ the super famous actors, the one w/ Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet).  I think it's b/c the guys are hotter.  I did rent it b/c my roommate and I were looking up other things w/ Dan Stevens after viewing Downton Abbey season 3 (*tear*).  Plus, Dominic Cooper is so hot, like proper hot no matter where you're from (unless you've bad taste).

So as I was listening I was imagining that Col. Brandon (b/c even if he wasn't actually the Doctor, he's still an attractive older man).  But that's really beside the point, tangentially.

I think what really drew me to Col. Brandon was that I could kind of relate to him.  Okay, I never lost a great love, or anything super tragic, but I could relate to him.  I particularly related to this comment by Willoughby: "Brandon is just the kind of man ... whom everybody speaks well of, and nobody cares about; whom all are delighted to see, and nobody remembers to talk to."  I don't know if everyone has felt like that, but I sure have.  I feel that way a lot, actually, and I think this succinctly summarizes something I couldn't put into words myself.  Well, this of course assumes that people actually speak well of me and are delighted to see me, but my powers of social interactions aren't so bad as to think that not true, right?  Throughout the book I just felt so bad for him; he is obviously a caring guy w/ taste in things Maryanne likes, he's just grown more weary with age, I would say. Or whatever, maybe I am just starting to get old myself. Well, not THAT old.

And that's a wrap on that. :^)