It's month 3 of 2014 and I've noticed two big things about how I feel about life now compared to 2013. 1st, I am definitely in a much better place factually than I was last year, but 2nd I am still experiencing the side effects of the emotional turmoil that was 2013. Oh, and a 3rd thing I realized was that sitting around doing nothing to feel more positive wasn't really going to do much. I was caught in an actual Catch 22: I needed to feel happier to do more activities in my life, but I needed more activities in my life to make me feel happier.
Here's the rundown of what's what from last year. I spent the 1st six months of 2013 stressing (in an increasingly intense way) about getting a permanent full-time job. Having graduated in 2012, I was going on 1 year w/o anything, not to mention I had no idea what I wanted to do so that increased the stress. What if I never found anything b/c I couldn't make up my mind? And what if I got a job and I hated it more than I've ever hated anything in the world?
But then July came along and I got a job offer, but also got to spend one glorious, stress-free month of doing whatever I wanted w/o having to complete job applications. I loved July 2013 for that. I did some serious amount of writing for the first time ever, I read three weighty books, and spent a lot of time relaxing doing nothing.
But then that obviously had to end. I have to say that overall, I really like my job and what I hope it's going to be. Plus I work w/ some amazing people, which is way better than I would have hoped. However, any new situation comes with new challenges, and no matter how great things can be there are always one or two sour grapes, or situations that randomly arise to just make you miserable. I learned a lot at one point about asserting myself (and about realizing once again that I have to trust my instincts b/c experience doesn't always make the other person right). And then I was pretty much miserable from Thanksgiving until after New Years. Plus, not to mention that fact I was SUPER busy w/ so much work to do. All in all, this combined to be a time when I did very little else other than work and then veg at home. Many of my favorite things went by the way side b/c I just didn't feel like it.
So, in an effort to bring some positive vibes, to get back into some other hobbies, and to overall increase the wellness of me, I have decided to do something proactive. No more sitting around waiting to suddenly be more happy. Of course, being me, I need something concrete to keep me on track. That is why I decided to make a list of all the things I want to do during the week to keep those things on my mind. I call it my "Fake It Til I Make It" list b/c I don't really feel motivated, or healthy, or confident, or "insert random adjective here," and this list is a way for me to mechanically perform all of the things I should want to do until I get into the habit and feel positive about everything. I also see it was a quality audit b/c I am going to keep a spreadsheet where I will assign the activities points, and not completing activities will lower my daily and weekly scores.
You may be wondering, what's on this list? Well, first know that I intend this to be a dynamic list, so that as I go along I can add things that I think need to be in my day/week, and remove things that I either no longer need to do or do on my own w/o needing the reminder. I will have the items set up some on a daily basis and some on a weekly basis. (And don't judge me for this - my job may have taken over too many parts of my brain, hehehe)
W/o revealing EVERYTHING, the daily items would be like: floss (since I am a spotty flosser), put on lotion (since sometimes I get too dry skin), write (because I love writing but I have a hard time being motivated to take the time), eat healthy all day, no sweets (b/c I need a separate item to deal w/ my sugar cravings). The daily list is a way to curb my bad habits and encourage good habits.
Except for the daily writing requirement, the weekly items will be the items more geared toward emotional and mental positivity, instead of more focused on physical aspects. So far there are only two items on this list, but I find them to be the most difficult and probably most important. The 1st one is to once a week do something fun outside of the house. I find that when I've had a busy week, all I want to do is veg over the weekend. But then I don't really feel more positive when wasting the weekend this way. I just want the weekend to last longer. Instead, I find having a fun activity gives me something to look forward to and usually makes me feel better than if I had stayed home.
The 2nd item on the weekly list is to once a week sing in front of someone else. There are a number of reasons why I think this is important. Singing is one of my favorite things to do, yet it's extremely rare when other people actually get to listen. Also, this will help me with dealing with my anxiety. I worry so much that I will do bad or people won't like my singing that I don't sing in public, but if I can have some positive experiences despite the anxiety, I can use that for other aspects of life. I can't continue worrying that people are going to think I am a terrible singer, and then I would have to never do it again and lose a favorite activity just b/c I couldn't handle knowing people think I am bad. That won't happen and I need to squash those negative thoughts. Lastly, just singing alone in my kitchen, I am reminded of just how great it feels to belt it out. Not only do I enjoy hearing myself just belt it, but I feel good as the body chemicals rush through me. If I could just sing more in public, I could get this positive rush more, since I don't get to be alone too often.
So, that's that - my attempt at being a happier, healthier me. Who knows how long this will last, but I like the idea. And hey, it got me to write this post, so it's working already!
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