Who's Got Two Thumbs, and Is Ready (Almost?) to Be Rejected By the Male Half of the Internet?

So, I've been getting a lot of encouragement (pressure?) lately from people I know to start online dating.  This is something that I have had in mind as an eventual thing, but I would always say "someday" or "I'm not ready yet."  But finally, I think I am ready.

Well, idk if ready is really what I am.  More, I've come to terms that there really is no ready and I might as well just get out there and see what happens.  I have being doing a lot of thinking about it.  And I know you're all "you, thinking too much about something? Never!"  But it's true.  And this is what's being running through my head.

I don't know if there can ever be a ready.  A person is a work in progress, and maybe my next step in progression is with someone, or at least a long slew of someones that suck and eventually someone sucks less than most.  I figured, if I had a string of terrible dates, then at least I have plenty to blog about.

But mostly it's been some serious reflection.  I mostly worry that I am not good enough.  Granted, I know there are plenty of people out there that objectively seem less likely to find someone decent than me, yet they find someone.  It's just that fear that maybe nothing has really happened to me yet b/c nothing can happen.  What if I am the one women in the entire world that is completely unattractive to the entire male sex?  Boo!! That would suck. Hard.

There's that Fry meme where he's all "can't tell if I'm oblivious to flirting, or if no one flirts with me."  That, like, peered into my soul!  But what if all I learn from online dating is for me it's the later?  Then I would have to buy some cats, and honestly I am really more of a dog person.  Or a no pets person.  I am definitely a no plants person (I kill every plant way too soon.)

But I also found that I am equally afraid that someone will like me and want to get close, and that I will somehow prove incapable of that.  I'm not the most "let's talk about feelings" person.  Granted, I've gotten a lot better at that, but it's hard.  And it definitely doesn't help listening to people I know talk about feelings issues they have.  I am already prone to being way of an over-analyzer.  Things could get really bad. >_< It's bad enough when I just like someone.  I get too in my head about.  And what starts w/ thinking about all the signs that could mean positive things, I soon turn to thinking about all the things that would make something happening a bad thing.  I turn looking into things that make me like him into things that make me want to pass.  And add online dating into the mix, that could be bad, right?

Yet, with all of that weighing on mind mind, I realized that whatever I worry about happening already happens to some extent anyway.  I mean, I am already a heavy thinker, no matter the context.  And I will always to some extent and at some points feel inadequate.  But I might as well feel inadequate w/ someone else than alone.  And what about being afraid to open up?  Well, I am closed off by being alone, which is a for sure thing.  So why not try and see if maybe I can be different when not alone.  There is also the plus that if you online date, obvious the guy wants to be there for some reason.  Even if it ends up sucking, there was something about your profile that made that guy go on a date.  In my book, that is better than some stupid crush fantasy where you moon over someone, but in reality it will never work, no matter how much you've imagined the guy is so great for you.  And not everyone can suck, right?  RIGHT??

Even so, I do have the concern that I have way too all over the place of a personality to find someone who can match everything I'd like in a guy.  I'm surprised that I am one person that likes all the stuff I do.  I can't imagine there is a guy out there w/ the same/similar interests and has a decent job and is a decent person.  Mostly, I just need to find someone who I have somethings in common with, is a decent responsible guy, and will tolerate my other crazy interests.  Besides, I could so totally get someone into Doctor Who or some metalcore.  Whatevs.

Besides, I would ideally what I am looking for is the West Coast Ted Mosby.  And damn it, Ted Mosby gets to meet his girl finally.  So, I should get out there and meet my person.  I even have a wing-girl much like Barney Stinson to help me out.  Time to suit up!!