Okay, it can't be a surprise to people that I think myself so, so clever. I often regale my friends and family with my wit and humor. Unfortunately, sometimes I say clever things and there isn't an audience, or a large enough one anyway. So, I have taken to compiling such cleverness (pathetic, I know) and I'd like to share some with you now. In no particular order...
(1) While watching a preview for the One Direction film, one of the guys breaks more than one tea cup. I say to my mom: "Isn't that a felony in England, punishable by death?"
(2) I was discussing Michael Phelps once w/ a co-worker, and how her used illegal plant substances and got in trouble for it. She was upset that he was doing that, and said something like "Isn't you body a temple." And I replied "don't they burn herbs at temple, though." Hahahaha.
(3) People talk about emotional baggage, and sometimes you see it in shows represented as actual baggage. Well, if my emotional baggage were personal baggage, it'd be one of those briefcases you handcuff to yourself, and you have to saw off my hand to get at it.
(4) What if there are actually only very few people who possess criminal stuff, and they just have really awesome pants? And they purposefully tell others to wear their pants, knowing there is contraband in there. It's a conspiracy!
(5) I like to drive like I like roller coasters: fast, with my hands in the air.
(6) Or how about, I like my men like I like my coffee: sweet, covered in whipped cream.
(7) I recently went and saw the new Superman movie. There was one scene when a young Clark and his dad (played by Kevin Costner) were having a conversation outside, and I could see their corn fields in the background. I suddenly had the thought, "with all of Clark Kent's super powers, he could easily get that baseball field made for his dad."
(8) I find it quite fitting the I have a B.S. degree in B.S. And boy do I use it well.
(9) I could never be a trophy wife, you know, unless some guy wants a participation trophy wife.
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