So, I have been thinking a lot about me lately, and what makes me tick, and basically how I spend my entire life trying not to embarrass myself to even the slightest degree. That led me to thinking about my most embarrassing moments. You know, those moments that are so epically embarrassing, as compared to the rest of your life, that they really stand out. From these I realized that these moments build character. If you life through them, you can then wear them proudly on your soul as badges of honor. AND, if you've got the guts to share them, I think it shows strength of character, plus you could end up with some great stories.
That is why, for your reading pleasure (assuming anyone is reading, of course) I've decided to share my most embarrassing moments. They include some great stuff like: public humiliation, female troubles, cops and nudity. I think just the act of writing them down, even if no one reads this, shows my great strength of character. Or, that's at least what I am telling myself.
1. Public Performing Isn't For Everyone
I thought I'd share the most recent first, since the pain is more recent, and it'd be nice to get off my chest. So, two things you should know about me. (1) I love to sing. A lot. I sing in the car, the kitchen, around my apartment, basically anywhere I can be alone and belt, while I pretend no one is around. (2) I have anxiety. A lot. I may have tried to self-diagnose myself using the Internet. Did you know there is a separate anxiety disorder where you get anxious, and therefore avoid, activities that have made you anxious in the past. My thought was, umm, isn't that just nature, since I really don't want to do that again, but I guess it's a disorder too. Who knew?
So, you can see why I generally avoid singing in front of other people. I like to do it, but I also get anxious, so the last thing I want to do is suck, and have people tell me I suck, and then never sing again to avoid the anxiety. Man, that blows. And I am not going to self-assess my abilities, because as a scientist, I prefer objective, 3rd-party feedback to support my opinions of my abilities, or lack thereof. I didn't go around telling everyone how smart I am without lots of good grades, so I won't do it with other things.
But I did want some feedback, and thought, hey, our school has a talent competition, why don't I sign up and sing in front of a bunch of people? And not just people, but people I know. Let me tell you, despite all the practice and the positive rehearsal I had with my closet friends, it sucked sooooooo bad. I have this problem where if I get too anxious, my body literally does things I cannot control. I have trouble breathing, my voice chokes up, I shake uncontrollably. And of course this had to happen in front of a lot of people I know.
I remember the moments vividly. In fact, just thinking about it now, two years later, I still feel my chest tightening. I started out, and could hear that it was really bad. I could literally feel the audience getting really uncomfortable. You know, when someone is sucking, and you feel bad for them, and don't know what to do, so you just feel really uncomfortable and antsy? Well, that was totally happening. So, a thought ran through my head. I could either make my way painfully through this performance at the same rate I was going, or I could at least break up the tension. So I did. I told the audience that I was really sucking. And I made it funny. It still sucked, but by the end people had laughed, and I even was able to pull it together somewhat. Luckily the judges were good sports, and I even got some Facebook attention from someone I was into at the time.
I learned from this moment. So, even though it sucked sooooooo very badly, I still can't sing that song w/o getting choked up, and it still makes me embarrassed to mention, at least I learned that in a pinch, even when I'm feeling my worst, I can pull myself out of it and turn a bad situation around. And I am suddenly realizing I need to apply this lesson to my current employment search. :^)
2. Mother Nature's Got a Bitch of a Timing
I find this story not so embarrassing now, given it's been awhile, but at the time it was horrible, and there are some funny moments, so it has to be included. At first I thought about not including it. There seems to be this thing in our culture about not talking about our lady times where men might hear/see it. But then I was all, screw that. Men need to not be so sensitive.
When I was a junior in high school, I was on the speech and debate team, and we were away at a weekend long debate tournament. And mother nature being the bitch that she is, it also happened to be my time of the month. During one of my breaks I sat down, and as I got up again, I noticed that I had left a mess behind. Being 16, I immediately freaked out and ran to the bathroom, where a classmate of mine found me. She quickly fetch someone's mother (thank goodness at least one of our chaperons was someone mother!), and she was able to head over to our hotel to get me another skirt. Side note, this is why I no longer where light grey one week out of the month. >_<
Unfortunately, the hotel was a distance away, and evidently my sprint to the restroom was notice by my coach. Now, my debate coach was a great guy, but also could have the same maturity level of the teenagers he taught. He asked me what was wrong. So, I promptly turned around to show my predicament. And he proceeded to burst into laughter. Fyi, women do not appreciate being laughed at when they are having this kind of issue!! Especially when they are a fragile 16 year old!! Then, one of my male classmates, completely serious, ask "Did you sit in ketchup." *face palm* All this, and I still had a debate round to go to without a change of clothes. On the plus side, a friend of mine lent me her school sweatshirt to tie around my waste to cover the back of my skirt. On the down side, out school colors are black and orange. I can only imagine what the judges were thinking as I gave my speeches wearing a bright, neon orange sweater around my waist.
Needless to say, I embrace being a woman, and I no longer get embarrassed if I have issues. And I really couldn't care less if some man sees my lady supplies in my purse. I mean, it's not like it'd be any more embarrassing than what I've already been through, am I right ladies?
3. At Least I Know the Police Response is Effective
Ok, so this is my absolute most embarrassing story. That's why it's saved for last. I must admit that I am super proud of this story, and I LOVE to tell it. Mostly, because it's hilarious, especially if I think about all the little pieces and situations that had to line up to make this even happen. I promise, this is 100% true.
It all happened because one of my favorite bands was coming to town, and I wanted tickets. Our local radio station was doing a promotion where if they played two songs in a row by the band, the 20th caller received two free backstage passes to the show. I was determined to win them so I could take my best friend.
On Saturday, I was home alone. I woke up early so that I could spend the entire day listening to the radio in hopes of calling in to win the tickets. I also had to do laundry and take a shower. I figured that since it was pretty early (around 7 or 8 am), they wouldn't be giving away tickets yet, at least not on the weekend. But, just in case, I turned the radio on loud outside the bathroom so I could hear if they played the songs. Well, they played one song by the band. I thought that maybe they'd just play one, given it was early, but again just in case I rinsed off so that I could be ready to sprint to the phone if necessary.
And wouldn't you believe it, they played two songs in a row. I had to sprint down the hall to the phone as fast as I could, not minding at all that I was completely naked. Now, being the early '00's, this was back when you still used your telephone line for the Internet. We had two phone lines in my house, one of which was used for the Internet, but had a phone hooked up too just because we could. Well, I figured, twice the phones, twice the chance to win. So, I was dialling the radio station using both phones, one in each hand.
At some point I must have missed dialed because when I put the phone to my ear I heard, "911, what's your emergency." I quickly hung up in a panic. I remember my mom had recently told me a story where her co-worker pocket dialed 911 on her cell phone and got yelled at. That's why when the phone rang back and the caller ID said 911, I ignored it. I didn't want to get yelled at by the operator.
Right after that the other line rang. It was my best friend, who had been listening to the radio and called to see if I made it through. I chatted with her on the phone as I put laundry in the dryer. Now, if you are following along still, you should realize that I am at this point still completely naked. So, I tell my friend that, no, I didn't get through. I also mention how as I was dialing I accidentally dialed 911, but didn't talk to them at all. That's when she says, "You know they come to your house right?" and proceeds to tell me that if you hang up on a 911 call, they send a police officer to you house.
Sure enough, right after I hand up the phone, my doorbell rings. I look through the peephole and there is a police officer standing at my door. I of course book it to my room, and have to throw on the first thing I find on the floor. Then, I have to go answer the door and talk to the cop, wearing lord knows what (and of course no under garments). I explain to the officer what had happened, how I had missed dialed. However, he was still required to search my house, just in case no one was being held hostage or whatever. So, I had to follow the officer around my house, so embarrassed about what just happened (and how I narrowly avoid being naked in front of a cop), while he walked around, checking his flashlight behind furniture and things. (Now that I think about it, good thing my family isn't the criminal type, and this could make a great fact pattern for some 4th amendment, search and seizure hypos).
Ok, I totally didn't learn anything from this, except maybe don't wander around the house naked, or use one phone at a time, or whatever. I just know this story is awesome. :^)
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